I can't tell a lie....

and I must admit, I seriously thought I would be crying in my Jeep tonight.  But it was all resolved with a simple fist bump.

Tonight I had my longest run with the 10kers.  We ran a total of 6.30 miles.  We ran 5 minutes, walked 1 minute and did it 10 times.  So basically I ran 50 minutes and walked 10 minutes.  I was more like the chaser tonight and not the leader.  Milissa was the only mama with me tonight and she is already a fantastic runner.  She's definitely not in need of my instruction but I believe has taken in some of my knowledge on stretching, proper form etc etc.  We started off our first interval and we had a pretty quick pace.  I was thinking to myself "this is really fast".  "I don't know if I can hang with this pace 10 times."  Made it through then on to my second interval.  Still a really fast pace.  I was literally trying to keep up with Milissa.  Just chasing her down.  I had my tunes pumpin' but it wasn't working.  I tried to keep my eyes up, straight ahead but they kept floating downward to the ground.  Of course I carry that stupid IPod so I was constantly checking my time.  WHY do I do that?!  Instead of focusing on every positive aspect of what I was doing, being in the moment, I was everywhere else.  I was thinking how far are we going to go.  When will I hear the halfway point.  We'd stop for the minute interval and Milissa was talking to me.  I could barely get words out.  I was not huffing and puffing but I was definitely in need of the full minute to recoup.  We were on our way back and I was thanking anyone who'd listen that I was almost done.  Black Eyed Peas singing "10 more rounds can I get a KO?"  I'm barely gonna make it this round!  So I'm in my second to last interval.  I'm now contemplating that it wasn't all that bad.  That is actually feels kind of good that I've done this.  I start thinking about my whole run.  How I started off with a great pace but didn't commit to that pace.  I worried it to the point that I slowed down after the first two intervals.  I'm running over 6 miles!!!  Wow!  So I start to get a little emotional because I'm all in to this run now and I am happy that I did this!  And that I do this again and again.  And I'm just trying to hold on to that feeling till I get to my Jeep so I can let it out and be emotionally fulfilled about it.  We finish up and stretch.  Me being the instructor/motivator that I am I'm talking about how great we did tonight etc etc.  Still holding on to that emotional feeling... Milissa holds up her fist to me for a fist bump and says "nice job mama".  And BAM that was it.  That fist bump, as minor as it sounds, made me smile so big that all that weird emotion was gone.  I felt accomplished.  I feel accomplished!  I don't know what other runners think about when they run.  There was a lot of thinking going on tonight.  Most of it negative till I was over half way done.  I can only imagine what a better time I would have had running, had I not spent 70% of it worrying, complaining, making excuses.  I tell the mamas to be proud of themselves and to talk positively to themselves.  Words of wisdom that need to be put in to place in my own brain.  Because the time just gets longer and this 10K in March WILL be accomplished.